-Buttcheeks

Dear Buttcheeks,

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

I thought Sir Mix-A-Lot did a great job, about 15 years ago, of explaining the fascination with the butt. Well, that doesn’t mean I can’t take a stab at it… um, the question, not the butt.

Some people think that men are attracted to a woman’s butt because it’s shaped like a big, juicy apple — just like the apple that was our original temptation in the Garden of Eden. That’s a good theory, and it explains why some men would put the entire human race in jeopardy to get some tail. But it doesn’t explain why so many men avoid eating actual fruit.

The truth of the matter is simple: guys (at least straight guys) don’t want women who have bodies like guys. Therefore, the body parts that are most distinctive on women are most attractive to men.

To put it even more simply: we want what we don’t got. A big voluptuous booty is generally not a male trait, so it is an attractive trait in a female. Big, bouncy breasts are not common in men, therefore they are attractive in women. If beer guts and mustaches were common on women and practically nonexistent on men, we’d be attracted to those too.

Note to women: Beer guts and mustaches are common on men and are therefore NOT attractive on you!!!

Despite what the modeling industry tries to tell you, most men don’t like women with the bodies of teenaged boys. Those that do… probably like teenaged boys.

I hope I was able to answer your question, Buttcheeks.

Love always,

Jesus

P.S. My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.