Important question that I’m sure you would like to answer: Pro Choice or Pro Life?

Are you a Republican or a Democrat…Or we could even a ‘liberal-conservative.’

-Emily

Dear Emily,

Little known fact: my mother’s husband wanted her to abort me. He said he would never be able to raise someone else’s child. He wanted to make it work, wanted to pretend that I was his. But he was afraid that every time he looked at me he would just see God.

Fortunately, my mother was able to convince him to change his mind. It was fortunate for him because God probably would’ve been a bit peeved if I was aborted. It was fortunate for me because abortion in those days consisted of a horrendous process involving a hedgehog, a cobra, and razor-sharp tongs.

Actually, I just made up the above story for shock value (the same reason I walked on water). But the part about the abortion process is true. Fortunately, the technique has improved over the years to the point that they’ve managed to eliminate the hedgehog and the cobra.

I’m pro-life, generally speaking. There are extenuating circumstances, of course, but in most cases I’m against abortion. I’m a big fan of giving a conceived child a chance to live out his or her potential on Earth.

Besides, what if I choose to be reborn again onto the Earth, and the baby is aborted? That would kinda suck!

As far as whether I’m a Republican or a Democrat, I think the political system in the United States is one of the most ridiculous things that mankind has ever come up with. Regular people don’t just fall within one category or the other, you know. Unless they’re brainwashed, that is.

The major political parties only represent corporations and special interests; they don’t represent people. I’d run for the 2008 Presidency myself, but I’m not a US citizen.

Thank God.

Forever Yours,

Jesus H. Christ (the “H” stands for “Hillary in ‘08″