-Nacambus

Dear Nac,

It’s not impossible to wait until you’re married; it’s just highly improbable. Especially with the bodies on these chicks, nowadays. It’s gotta be the hormones in the beef…

But it can be a measure of your strength to abstain from sex. It’s something that you can feel good about. I’m sure that all your guy friends will admire your willpower when they’re discussing their sexual exploits and you proudly step forward and say, “I’m waiting for the right woman!”

And just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. There are a lot of permanent conditions that you can catch from having sex: AIDS, herpes, parenthood… the list goes on. So sex is not something to enter into lightly. There’s also the danger of having regrettable sex. Most people who’ve had sex have had sex that they regretted afterward. You can avoid that risk by abstaining altogether.

Just don’t be like all these Catholic priests who are telling me they’re not having sex, then they’re turning around and raping the altar boys. That’s not cool with me, man. If you can’t keep it in your pants, I’d much rather you have sex with a consenting adult.

As far as freaky sex goes, if you’re having sex it might as well be freaky. It doesn’t matter to me. Straps, whips, gags, creamed corn, it’s all the same to me. I draw the line at animals, though. Some people are just sick.

As far as whether or not I died a virgin… didn’t your preacher tell you that I did? Isn’t that enough for you? Hmmm… Let me put it this way: if I did have sex (and I’m not saying I did), then I was married at the time (and I’m not saying I was). And I rocked her world (assuming it happened, which I’m not saying it did.)

Phew!

Hoping I answered your question,

Jesus