-Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

I wish Cupid would have referred you to me before Valetine’s so I could make your day even more special but Oh well!

So, is it possible to fall in love with your bestfriend? Sure it is possible. Why not? Anything is possible; people fall in love with their brothers and sisters too! There are even some people who prefer loving their pet animals over people.

Going after your brother/sister isn’t something I would condone, but considering your best friend as a possible candidate for something greater (aka boyfriend) is definitely worth considering.

If you currently trust and confide in each other, communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another, then you already have a great foundation for something even greater than being just friends. Tell your friend how you really feel about him (and hopefully he will do the same) and if you two decide to flourish your relationship into a blossom of love and happiness, just make sure you express your expectations and guidelines.

As long you communicate, I believe no one will get seriously hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out and you don’t have to worry about any of your precious belongings showing up on EBAY and Craigslist.

I wish I could give you a formula of some sort but there are plenty of past examples out there on what not to do such as: Britney and K-fed, Paris and some horny toad dude.

Hopefully I answered your question,

JC

P.S- If it doesn’t work out, I have some interested people lined up here.

Sincerely,
Chunky lover 67

Dear Chunky lover 67,

It’s not easy to ask your girlfriend for a threesome. As you said, it’s risky. You should probably look into other ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

However, if you absolutely must have a threesome, here are a few sure-fire ways to ask:

1) Wait until she’s not really paying attention, then mumble “Ifyoupromisemeathreesomesaywhat”. She will reply by saying “What?”, and then you can tell her what you said. Tell her that she made a promise, and that you would never break a promise to her.

2) Find out who her girl-crush is. All women secretly have a girl-crush: one woman that they would be gay for. Find out who it is, and get her to offer the threesome. (It’s always better if you’re not the one to offer.) If your girlfriend’s girl-crush is someone famous and inaccessible, find a look-alike. It’s the next best thing. Your girlfriend will get to live out her secret lesbian fantasy, and you’ll get your threesome. It’s win-win.

3) Get your girlfriend in a dark room and start with some foreplay. Have the other girl sneak in and begin performing oral sex on your girlfriend. She will quickly realize that it’s not you, but if it’s done well she won’t pull away. You’ll be good to go.

4) As a last resort, let her have a threesome with you and another man first. No, you say? That’s disgusting? Well, think about how she feels? That’s why you shouldn’t have a threesome in the first place. Unless both people want to.

Just go to your local sex shop. They’ve got some stuff that’ll spice up your love life. I guarantee it, or I’ll pay you a million dollars*.

Good luck,

JC

*P.S. The above guarantee is not valid anywhere on Earth, elsewhere in the universe, or in the afterlife.

-Worth It

Dear Worth It,

What, your parents didn’t make you do all that stuff? They should have. They obviously didn’t raise you right. That’s why you’re not acting right. I’m really disappointed in you right now.

You need to grow up and be a man. You can’t go running to your parents cause you don’t like doing chores. Your girlfriend has reasonable expectations.

Except for the thing about putting the toilet seat down. If she falls in, that’s her fault for not looking first. I’ve never understood why women don’t look before they sit. It’s ridiculous.

Anyway, do what your girlfriend says. And take her out to dinner.

Not at Burger King, though.

Good Luck,

Jesus H. Christ (the “H” is for “helps around the house”)