-First Date

Dear First Date,

Wow, the questions are really starting to pour in! Since I’m so busy, and Burger King dating is not my area of expertise, I’m going to let one of my very capable staff members field this one. Meet 13th Apostle:

13th Apostle

I know he’s creepy looking (for some reason he insists on wearing a Rudolph Giuliani mask), but he’ll be able to answer your question. He’s taken dozens of women to Burger King on the first date. And he’s really eager to take this question, for some reason. Let me know if his advice helps you.

Thanks,

Jesus

Hello, First Date, 13th Apostle here.

As JC said, I’ve taken dozens of women to Burger King on the first date. Where would I go on the second date, you ask? I don’t know; I’ve never had a second date. But that’s just cause I’m too real for these chicks.

Anyway, do you want to know the reason he took you to Burger King? It’s because he asked you where you wanted to go, and you were trying to be all cute with the “I dunno, tee hee” crap. When you knew the whole time that you wanted to go to Red Lobster. If you would have just said so when he asked you, you could have been eating those delicious cheddar biscuits instead of a value meal from Burger King, home of the seventh best french fries in America.

That’s right, Tiffany, I know this letter’s from you. And I don’t care if you’re not returning my calls. Forget you.

13th Apostle

P.S. I’m sorry. Please return my calls.