-Cupcake

Dear Cupcake,

You’ve brought up a very serious issue, and I’m going to treat it seriously. Mostly.

First, to clarify, a lot of priests have been in the news after being accused of molestation of young children, primarily altar boys who the priests have been left alone with. In most cases, it is not forced sexual intercourse: it ranges from inappropriate touching to grooming that leads to consensual sex.

I’m not saying that the molestation is not as bad as forced sexual intercourse; it is just as horrendous. The distinction is in the way that the priests view it. They are able to convince themselves that they are guilty of a lesser sin than rape. They are able to attribute their actions to momentary weakness or Satan’s trickery, and are able to convince themselves that it won’t happen again. They feel that they are able to absolve themselves of the sin through private confession or good works.

Personally, I think that any priest who molests a young child is a sick bastard. Why would you take a vow of celibacy and then turn your lust on children. I would greatly prefer for you to get married and have sex with your wife than to sneak and molest kids. Heck, I’d even prefer for you to have sex with prostitutes.

If you vow never to have sex and you slip, you’ve already failed. Why compound your failure by committing one of the greatest sins possible? If any of you priests out there start feeling an attraction to your altar boys, it’s time for you to go get a woman. A grown woman. You know what? I’d even prefer for you to get a grown man, as long as it’s a consenting adult. I won’t even take any points off your scorecard. It’s better than the alternative, after all.

And if you do molest kids, you’re gonna get punished for it eventually. I’ll make sure you’re reincarnated as a string of anal beads. Don’t think I can’t do it.

Anyway, thanks for the question, Cupcake. If you know any molester priests, tell me about them and I’ll kick their asses personally. I do not condone that crap.

JC

P.S. Something tells me you’re pretty cute. If you ever want a date with a demigod, drop me a line at askjeesus1@askjeesus.net. Peace.