Sincerely,
Chunky lover 67

Dear Chunky lover 67,

It’s not easy to ask your girlfriend for a threesome. As you said, it’s risky. You should probably look into other ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

However, if you absolutely must have a threesome, here are a few sure-fire ways to ask:

1) Wait until she’s not really paying attention, then mumble “Ifyoupromisemeathreesomesaywhat”. She will reply by saying “What?”, and then you can tell her what you said. Tell her that she made a promise, and that you would never break a promise to her.

2) Find out who her girl-crush is. All women secretly have a girl-crush: one woman that they would be gay for. Find out who it is, and get her to offer the threesome. (It’s always better if you’re not the one to offer.) If your girlfriend’s girl-crush is someone famous and inaccessible, find a look-alike. It’s the next best thing. Your girlfriend will get to live out her secret lesbian fantasy, and you’ll get your threesome. It’s win-win.

3) Get your girlfriend in a dark room and start with some foreplay. Have the other girl sneak in and begin performing oral sex on your girlfriend. She will quickly realize that it’s not you, but if it’s done well she won’t pull away. You’ll be good to go.

4) As a last resort, let her have a threesome with you and another man first. No, you say? That’s disgusting? Well, think about how she feels? That’s why you shouldn’t have a threesome in the first place. Unless both people want to.

Just go to your local sex shop. They’ve got some stuff that’ll spice up your love life. I guarantee it, or I’ll pay you a million dollars*.

Good luck,

JC

*P.S. The above guarantee is not valid anywhere on Earth, elsewhere in the universe, or in the afterlife.