Dear Jeesus…why is it that when I drop something it ALWAYS rolls under the exact middle of what I am near (i.e. sofa, car, etc)?

-Dino

Dear Dino,

That depends on what you’re dropping. If you’re dropping babies or small animals, then they’re rolling under things intentionally to try to get away from you. They’re scared of you, because you keep dropping them. You should probably stop.

If you’re dropping things that aren’t alive, then they must be round if they’re rolling under things. That means that you’re most likely dropping either coins or some kind of balls (baseballs, tennis balls, marbles, etc.)

If you’re dropping money, you probably have too much of it. A person who really needed the money would probably do a better job of holding onto it. Therefore, since you don’t really need the money, it is gravitating to an area where those who need it will find it. After all, a person has to really need a dime to be willing to crawl under a Buick for it.

If it’s balls you’re dropping, then you should really take better care of your balls. It’s okay to juggle them from time to time, bounce them up and down, or toss them around; in fact, I encourage you to play with them as much as possible. But you definitely don’t want to be too careless with them and end up losing one. And make sure that anyone else who plays with your balls takes good care of them as well.

Wait… something about that last paragraph doesn’t seem right, but I can’t think of what it is. Oh, well. I’m sure you get the idea.

Oh, yeah, one more thing: if you care about your balls, never ever let the dog get hold of them.

Thanks!

Jeesus