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Posts tagged burger king
Is It Worth Staying With My Girl?
Oct 18th
Is it worth staying with my girl when she is always complaining about things such as take out the garbage, put the toilet seat down, take my shoes off outside, don’t drive my car, pick up my dirty clothes? Should I go back home and live with my parents?
-Worth It
Dear Worth It,
What, your parents didn’t make you do all that stuff? They should have. They obviously didn’t raise you right. That’s why you’re not acting right. I’m really disappointed in you right now.
You need to grow up and be a man. You can’t go running to your parents cause you don’t like doing chores. Your girlfriend has reasonable expectations.
Except for the thing about putting the toilet seat down. If she falls in, that’s her fault for not looking first. I’ve never understood why women don’t look before they sit. It’s ridiculous.
Anyway, do what your girlfriend says. And take her out to dinner.
Not at Burger King, though.
Good Luck,
Jesus H. Christ (the “H” is for “helps around the house”)
On Our First Date… He Took Me To Burger King
Oct 18th
I recently met a guy and we went on our first date last weekend. He took me to Burger King. Will the next date be better or should I have asked him to take me to McDonalds and let me supersize it?
-First Date
Dear First Date,
Wow, the questions are really starting to pour in! Since I’m so busy, and Burger King dating is not my area of expertise, I’m going to let one of my very capable staff members field this one. Meet 13th Apostle:
13th Apostle
I know he’s creepy looking (for some reason he insists on wearing a Rudolph Giuliani mask), but he’ll be able to answer your question. He’s taken dozens of women to Burger King on the first date. And he’s really eager to take this question, for some reason. Let me know if his advice helps you.
Thanks,
Jesus
Hello, First Date, 13th Apostle here.
As JC said, I’ve taken dozens of women to Burger King on the first date. Where would I go on the second date, you ask? I don’t know; I’ve never had a second date. But that’s just cause I’m too real for these chicks.
Anyway, do you want to know the reason he took you to Burger King? It’s because he asked you where you wanted to go, and you were trying to be all cute with the “I dunno, tee hee” crap. When you knew the whole time that you wanted to go to Red Lobster. If you would have just said so when he asked you, you could have been eating those delicious cheddar biscuits instead of a value meal from Burger King, home of the seventh best french fries in America.
That’s right, Tiffany, I know this letter’s from you. And I don’t care if you’re not returning my calls. Forget you.
13th Apostle
P.S. I’m sorry. Please return my calls.
